BEFORE THE COFFEE GETS COLD
(7-minute read)
Toshikazu Kawaguchi wrote the book titled, ‘Before the Coffee Gets Cold’ to draw readers’ attention to the regrets and missed opportunities in their lives, and focus on the importance of living in the moment. The very notion of regret implies that we have the human agency to choose and decide what we want to do in our lives. Without agency, we can only respond to negative life outcomes with a sense of helpless resignation rather than regret over what we could have done.
This leaves believers with a pertinent thought: what creates regret in Christian living and relationships? Regret creeps in when we minimize God’s Word and its influence in our lives and relationships. The result is a reduced quality of life.
While we cannot reverse past events or undo foolish acts, we must not live our lives dragging our regrets with us. But we can make better decisions and choices today as responsible Christians who are faithful to God. The Bible reminds us to ‘encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” (Hebrews 3:13).
Make no mistake, the world’s idea of living in the present runs counter to godly living. Just look at the plethora of social media images where people try to imitate or outdo each other in pursuing bucket-list worthy activities that epitomize a great life. Closer to home, among family and friends, we get more positive affirmation for self-serving response in the face of problematic situations than we do for taking risky self-sacrificial moves to challenge unhealthy cultural norms.
There are five things that God has given to us as antecedents for living life with less regrets:
1.WORK ON OUR PERSONAL SALVATION
Working on our spiritual growth is much like acquiring a foreign language. It makes no sense to stay stuck at a basic level of language proficiency if we want to master any language. We look for people with a greater mastery of the language so that we can improve our languages skills. In the same way, the people we choose to spend time with is revealing of our spiritual formation.
It is tragic but true that our hearts can grow cold and hard even within the Christian community. When we hide behind unhealthy group norms that emphasize programmes over personal growth, and that values uniformity rather than true unity, we are in danger of being misguided into priorities that can choke our spiritual vitality. Most importantly, we need to be careful not to over-tolerate the lack of change in ourselves and others.
The truth is that threats to our spiritual well-being lurks everywhere – even in the church. Matthew 24:12-13 has a warning about this: ‘Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.’ We must be careful not to misread meaning of ‘the one who stands firm’ as synonymous with outward behaviour like going to church, being part of a group, and doing acts of moral good. Our God is loving, merciful, forgiving and gracious, yet He holds His children accountable for their rebellion and resistance to warnings.
In fact, since biblical times, the apostle Paul had taught the early church in Philippi to be aware of the power of temptations. He told the early believers, ‘continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling.’ (Philippians 2:12). Let’s stop deceiving each other that all is well just to keep peace and avoid conflict. We need people who will speak the truth in love to us so that ‘we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.’ (Ephesians 4:15).
2. RELEASE FORGIVENESS
Inter-relational hurts among believers can lead to unforgiveness and resentment when the party who hurts seems to lack care and concern about how they had contributed hurting someone. It is important for us to know that to forgive is to let Jesus heal the emotional cut inflicted by someone or by systemic dysfunctions in the family or our community where we live and work. At the same time, telling people to just get over it downplays their experience of hurt and alienates them. Instead, we need to recognize our responsibility to lovingly help each other take empowering steps towards forgiveness. Whether it concerns laity or church leadership, we can trust God to shed light on character flaws and personal shortcomings that need correction. Unforgiveness hurts our relationship with God as much as it hurts ourselves. It also makes it difficult for us to trust God in new relationships and roles that He leads us into.
The Bible makes it clear that just as no one is above God's reproach, there are also no unforgivable slights and sins. In one memorable instance, Peter had approached Jesus and asked the Lord how many times he was obligated to forgive a fellow believer. Jesus replied, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’ (Matthew 18:21-22). As we pray for God to work out our salvation to become better versions of ourselves, we need to ‘bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you (us) has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.’ (Colossians 3:13).
The Bible instructs us to still ‘be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.’ (Ephesians 4:32). Simply put, it is a better way to live out the Gospel in our lives.
3. LIVE OUT THE GOSPEL
There are different ways to share the Gospel but nothing is more compelling than living out the truth of the Gospel in our own humble lives. To think that the pulpit has greater authority than our personal testimonies is simply misguided. There's no greater authenticity than what comes through human vulnerability to prove to others how God loves us despite our failings, how He leads even after we make wrong turns, how He comforts us in our loneliness and how He turns our testing into testimonies, and our mess into a message of His story in our lives.
4. BE AN ENCOURAGER
Being encouraging is not the same as molly-coddling someone and condoning the compromising values they embrace. Moses faced his greatest dilemma in the desert after God called him to ask Pharaoh for the release of all the Israeli slaves in Egypt. After listening to all his protests, God simply told him,"I will be with you". God knew, more than anyone, that all Moses needed were those five words that spoke directly to his deepest insecurities and even to fears that he had not put words to!
In 1 Samuel 23:16, we find an account of David fleeing from King Saul into the desert. Jonathan, Saul’s son, went out to the desert to look for David and helped him find strength in God. He could have stayed home and hoped for the best for his friend. He could have sent a messenger to deliver food and comfort to his friend. But he chose to be there with his friend, David, in the desert. Truly, nothing says ‘I am with you’ more than staying in touch with people we care about in their time of need. Encouragers don’t wait to be invited into someone’s situation: they take the initiative to get involved.
Tellingly, the apostle Paul’s life mission was not in planting churches or creating large followings, but in encouraging believers to find their God-given purpose in life, and live it out. In fact, he said, “My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ.” (Colossians 2:2)
Paul’s ministry was always relational, always personal and always God-focused. There is really no better way to uplift people than by imitating Paul.
5. DEMONSTRATE ACTS OF KINDNESS
Let’s admit it: we all desire to have Paul’s relational intentionality but we also prefer to be cautious. We want to see cues and clues of great distress in others before we step in to comfort and help because we don’t want to be seen as being intrusive. If we only show up with ‘acts of kindness’ at funerals and hospitals, we have truly dropped the ball by ignoring the people around us who are quietly going through their difficulties and who can do with a touch of kindness from us.
Proverbs 3:27-28 addressed the human tendency to procrastinate instead of act with spontaneity to show care: “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act. Do not say to your neighbour, ‘Come back tomorrow and I’ll give it to you’ - when you already have it with you.”
What do we already have? We have our lives and we can make it count each day for the One who has given us the new day - a day that impacts others and showcases the Master Potter at work in our lives!
This is a summary and reflection based on a virtual BIR Session held on 28 October 2023.
