LOVE ONE ANOTHER

(9-minute read)

Put together a piece of written work organized by a main title and other subtitles, chapters and topics, an author and a publisher, and you get a book that indulges the reader's literary appetite. Combine raw ingredients, condiments, the right cooking techniques and a recipe and you get a delectable dish created to satisfy. Arrange words of praise to God, musical notes, instruments and a voice, and we have some of the greatest worship songs ever!

Now, join people who have faith in one God, who also pray, read the Bible, sing praise songs, share life stories called testimonies, attend services and meetings, and what do you get? Author and Bible translator, Eugene Peterson, wrote that ‘everything that can go wrong sooner or later does’ because, as he explained, the church’s mission is to collect sinners. Peterson asserted that ‘Christian churches are not, as a rule, model communities of good behaviour, they are, rather, places where human misbehaviour is brought out in the open, faced and dealt with’. That likely was what Jesus had in mind when He brought together twelve untrained disciples who not only had very different personalities and backgrounds, but also different worldviews from Him. Yet, what the Lord saw was the potential of what they would be, not perfection in their humanness. About embracing human differences, Jesus taught, “And blessed is the one who is not offended by Me.”(Luke 7:23 ESV). 

In John 13:34-35, Jesus introduced the distinguishing mark of a disciple three times for emphasis: love one another. Whether we are male or female, naturally reserved or introverts, unwell or living with a disability, we are called to love one another. Loving others is a learnt behaviour, and Jesus expects us to learn without exception or excuse. However, we often run into problems when we think of relationships in a linear way – that they move in one direction with a clear beginning and an end. Instead, most authentic relationships move in a loop: as the relationship progresses and deepens, there is an iterative going back to the broken areas to repair and heal together so we can grow in the relationship. Among believers, the most problematic relationship behaviour is the avoidance of conflict and difficult conversations while putting unnecessary efforts into curating a false impression of unity and connection.

Like it or not, over time, our behaviour will leak out our hidden interests and intent to others. We may claim to be one thing but what people perceive in their interactions with us could be different. Yet, we are called to be known, and not to be hidden from others. So how can we learn to genuinely love one another? 

Let’s return to the A,B, C of loving others, beginning with the first 5 alphabets:

ACCEPT WITHOUT PREJUDICE
Jesus taught His disciples, “If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their fellow believers.” (1 John 4:20 – 21). Although Jesus used strong words like ‘love’ and ‘hate’ to contrast our relationship with God and with other believers, they do not carry our usual understanding of the words. Loving someone does not mean we adopt an ambivalent acceptance that tolerates anything and everything without question; rather, it recognizes that we are all work in progress and so, we continually create a safe space for each other to grow relationally. Not being honest in our relationships and hardworking to restore healthy connections with each other is, in God’s eyes, hating a fellow believer. 

To be sure, Jesus’ call to love one another is not about group membership and subscribing to group norms that often hide a million pretenses. Rather, it is about working on our interpersonal connection with each other. Just as a group is only as strong as the authenticity of connections of its members, so a body is only as healthy as its individual parts accepting each other. 

The Bible tells us to ‘Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.’ (Romans 15:7), and ‘Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters.’ (Romans 14:1). This means we need to be aware that, due to cultural conditioning in our individual upbringing, all of us have unconscious biases towards those we perceive as different from us. Prejudice creeps in when we act on any unfounded opinion of people who look, speak and think differently from us, even before we get to know them. To accept also does not mean to merely tolerating someone’s presence. We may need to examine our lack of social skills, and ask the Holy Spirit to give us sensitivity and empathic insights to maintain meaningful relationships. 

1 John 4:21 (NLT) reminds us that “Those who love God must also love their fellow believers.”

BE A BLESSING

In his writings, the disciple John avoided using his name and instead described himself as “the disciple whom Jesus loved.” It was a statement that played a big part in his identity. Imagine telling people that you are the one Jesus loves, how would you be a blessing to them?

In 1 John 4:20-21, John reminded us that “those who love God must also love their fellow believers.” It describes a love that refuses to allow any inhibitions to hold us back from being a personal blessing to someone. There are a million spontaneous and practical things we can do to uplift another believer. Mark Batterson chimed, ‘When God blesses you financially, don’t raise your standard of living. Raise your standard of giving.’

Blessing others does not always involve material resources. It is important to have the right motivation. We do not need to impress with excesses or expensive gifts, or stage elaborate surprises. A simple meal served in the kitchen, initiating a conversation when someone is going through a difficult season, or taking time out to go for a walk together, are simple ways to keep relationships healthy. The key is to let people know that not only do they matter to God, they also matter to us - personally.  

Proverbs 11:25 offers a worthy saying, “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed”. 

CELEBRATE LIFE

Celebrating life with others requires us to show up - in good and bad times - to share a moment in life together. It is not always an event, but it involves making ourselves a part of someone’s life narrative. Some people have a habit of writing themselves out of other people’s life, out of a misguided perception of themselves. In truth, the most beautiful moments in life are shared. Don’t ever be deceived by the appearance of independence in people. Everyone needs someone to celebrate God’s goodness with them. Psalm 118 offers us enough reasons to celebrate life together. If we don’t create these moments, they will never happen. 

Jesus reminded us that the enemy is always out to steal the peace and hope in our lives to keep us from seeing our God-given destiny. But He came so that we would have a rich and satisfying life. It is hard to see this when waves of adversity hit us, but when someone comes near and takes us out for a meal or a drive, they remind us of God’s love and give us strength to carry on. Celebrating life also doesn’t happen only on birthdays. If we don’t put in effort to show that someone’s life matters to us, nothing we do will mean anything to them. 

This is a thought-provoking saying, “On the day I die a lot will happen. A lot will change. The world will be busy. On the day I die, all the important appointments I made will be left unattended. The many plans I had yet to complete will remain forever undone.” (John Pavlovitz).

DRAW CLEAR BOUNDARIES

Believers with loose relational boundaries often lose sight of what is truly important. They call all urgent matters important with little time for the things that truly matter to God. They are chronically addicted to pleasing the people in their lives and are attached to the feeling of being needed, allowing others to disrupt their lives constantly. They are ‘busy’ people with a ‘saviour’ mentality who are quick to pick up other people’s slack while their undesirable behaviour go on unchecked. Drawing clear boundaries mean we do not ‘over-help’ and impede growth in other believers.

We must know that we have a God-given responsibility to guard our lives from the constant imposition of urgencies, and to stop people from tapping into our time and compassion without limits. In reality, there is only One Saviour whose has unlimited resource: He is Jesus (Acts 4:12, 1 Timothy 1:15).

EXPECT NOTHING IN RETURN

Let’s be honest: it takes tremendous effort to follow A through D! Yet, in spite of our efforts to accept other believers, to bless them, to celebrate life with them and to draw clear boundaries for the relationship to stay healthy, people may still expect more than what we can give and feel let down when we are unable to meet those expectations. When that happens, we need to lovingly point them back to Christ who is the true enabler and all sufficiency.  

In Jesus’ sharing of the parable of the good Samaritan, the merciful Samaritan did all he could to attend to the injured victim compared to others who passed on by. It would be fair to say that the Samaritan expected the victim to be safe from danger and given the care he needed to recover and be on his way again. While he had reasonable expectations of good outcomes for the victim, he did not have any expectations of reciprocity from him. 

The reciprocity we expect, without admitting it, might include the desire to be publicly mentioned and praised for our generosity and virtue such as on social media or in a group setting. Such expectations can overshadow selfless service and the spontaneity that make relationships authentic and feel unrehearsed. Indeed, the Samaritan’s greatest reward might just be to know that the man he helped had got back on his feet and was ready to help others deal with travel risks.  

In the final analysis, no other life skill is more fulfilling to a believer than loving others. To love one another may not come naturally to us. There are no supplement pills that can enhance our ability to love one another. But love one another we must, so that the world will know Him - Jesus.

This is a summary and reflection based on a virtual BIR Session held on 14 September 2024.