WHAT YOU GIVE UP MATTERS
(This is an 8-minute read)
Let’s have a simple thought experiment with three fictional scenarios.
Scenario #1 – You are facing the greatest personal challenge of your life.
Scenario #2 – You are having a trying time at work and reaching a breaking point.
Scenario #3 – You are soaring in your career in a well-paying regional role but your marriage is in deep trouble.
Consider what you would first give up in each instance.
If only the right choice is as simple as a straightforward cost and benefit analysis for arriving at the best consequences, or a mathematical formula that computes the greatest happiness or benefits for the greatest number of people. It would just be a matter of manipulating variables to create our desired outcomes. We need only to consider if, given a set of conditions that remain stable, A is worth giving up because B is hanging in the balance.
Privately, even among self-professing Christians, people act as though they are on par with God in terms of understanding the intricacies and complexities of life. Many are convinced (though they don’t explicitly say it) that they are more capable than God Himself in coming up with solutions to life problems. Some withdraw from life-building relationships to ‘find themselves. Others walk away from ministry involvement for ‘time off’ to sort things out on their own. Not surprisingly, many also tend to consume copious amounts of online content while living in isolation.
While it is true that our life choices often involve giving up something in exchange for others, we need to know that some things that have the appeal of instantaneous gains may set us up for permanent pain. In addition, there are short-lived pleasures with long-term privation.
More often than not, we are advised not to give up on this or that, but we also need to consider that what we give up today matters in a future reality. Like it or not, our choices today have major long-term implications. We may think that the right decisions are those that please the most number of people right now or help us to avoid uncomfortable conflicts and situations. But whether it is about others or ourselves, this type of thinking is more human-centered than God-centred. The here and now orientation of human persuasions often appear more rational than the Word of God that is future-oriented, emphasizing legacy and generations.
The Bible offers three outstanding examples of something given up for immediate gratification:
Esau gave up his birthright as a firstborn for a home-cooked meal because the hunger he felt seemed more real to him than God-given rights and responsibilities (Gen 25:29-34).
Jacob’s sons sold their youngest brother Joseph for 20 shekels of silver to get even because they were jealous of him, and brought inconsolable anguish to their father (Genesis 37:28).
Judas betrayed Jesus for 30 shekels of silver and gave up his spiritual relationship with the Son of God forever. (Matthew 26:14-16).
Looking back, it is clear that by being over-invested in the here and now, they had elevated their immediate needs above God’s promises and sabotaged God’s set up in their lives. How can we avoid making such dire mistakes in our own lives?
First, there are three life fundamentals that we should never give up on:
1. Our Relationship with God
The internet is flooded with online content that supplies instant solutions and answers to everything that feeds our appetites for certainty and control – notwithstanding falsehood and confirmation bias (meaning we look for things that confirm our opinions and hunches, and at the same time, avoid evidence that disproves them). Run a search on “I will not die of cancer” and you will find what you are looking for. Or “I will surely die of cancer” and you will be convinced that you should plan your funeral. If you believe the search results, searches for “prayer” surge at the start of the COVID-19 outbreak and ‘god’ is a favorite search word of all time.
Matthew 24:12-13 warns us, “Because of the increase of wickedness [a penchant for fake news, conspiracy theories, spurious narratives, twisted morality], the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.”
Don’t be tempted by quick answers and reject the longer view of the future that is embedded in God’s promises. He says, “So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10) Frankly, our response to this promise sounds more like this: If God is here with me now, why is He not doing something about it now?
Well, let’s just say God is always with us and also ahead of us! We cannot expect to go far by selling out. Don’t be tempted to search for answers with God without conversations with Him. His promises for us are revealed when we hold up our end of the relationship, no matter what.
2. Our Family
Out of jealousy, Joseph’s brothers gave him up and the family lived with the pain of losing him for a long time.
Most of us are fortunate to have families that are supportive and compassionate, some of us don’t. Some of us grew up with two loving and involved parents, while some didn’t and had adult responsibilities from young. Some enjoyed calm and secure home environments while others lived with constant strife or anxieties about their tomorrow. In short, we really don’t get to choose what kind of family we were born into but God’s Word provides clear instructions with a promise for our well-being when we do not give up on our families of origin, no matter what.
“Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12)
3. Kingdom Values for Kingdom Living
Jacob deceitfully received from Esau a birthright that was not meant for him, and later, he lost his son, Joseph, to illegal slave trade (Genesis 25:31). Actions have consequences even if the evidence does not appear right away.
Today, we live in a culture of instant feedback and rewards, and we gravitate towards those who promise them - from sales promotions to presidents. Every act is measured with a cost-benefit evaluation of ‘what’s in it for me?’ and ‘what are the risks of doing that?’. We prefer arguments that are long on human logic, and short on faith-based living. We sacrifice God’s rewards in the distance for rhetoric that is pleasing to the ear.
Believers can insulate themselves in online groups that are echo chambers of their personal persuasions, and stay ineffective in siloed communities that are cut off from people who are not the same as them.
Let’s be clear: the Word of God applies to the entire humankind, and not just to our own kind!
“Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky.” (Philippians 2:14-15)
Again, from Colossians 3:12-14, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
In addition to these three spiritual principles that should be the default state for all believers who want to see God’s promises fulfilled in their lives, we should be careful to stem two insidious behavior patterns that can sneak upon us.
▪ Give up anything that contaminates our faith, mind, and values.
▪ Give up anything that hinders and obstructs our relationship with God.
When we no longer have a consistent stream of new life experiences with God, something is amiss. Longstanding personal problems and unresolved relational issues are signs that God’s miracle-working Word is kept out of our lives. Perhaps there is an over-reliance on conflict avoidance and people-pleasing habits that put a lid on His power to transform our lives. Perhaps culture has greater sway in our lives than His standard of love and honesty. Perhaps we are afraid that if we looked at the wounds and injuries that He shows us, our lives will fall apart.
To be sure, God is never interested in a one-sided relationship where we keep Him waiting outside the doors of our hearts until there is a problem and we let Him in to fix it. It has been said that He is too merciful to solve our problems without also imparting His character to us. We are not saved by His grace to live passive and sheltered lives.
At first, what we have to give up in order to keep our relationship with God, our family and Kingdom values close to our hearts will make us feel uneasy and vulnerable for a while. But if we know that our journey with Him soars on faith and sinks on waves of doubts and anxieties, we will be careful to ride out all short-lived unease to see the fulfillment of His promises in our lives!
This article is a summary and reflection piece on a virtual BIR session held on 16 October 2021.
