LOVE GOES THE DISTANCE

There are generally two categories of people in our lives: those who empower us to be more than we settle for, and those that enable our settledness in spite of the absence of personal growth. It’s hard to straddle being in the company of both groups because our growth will engender new conversations that make the ‘settled’ group feel uncomfortable and our settledness will frustrate the growth group.

In the same way, it’s near impossible to love God and embrace ‘settledness’ because God’s love is not a feel-good doctrine that guarantees ‘settledness’ as a way of life.

So how do we know when someone loves God, really loves God? If you’ve recently met a new bride or groom, you could easily tell that they are in love. Their body language, energy and conversations give off effusive vibes about their newfound joy. They are always conscious about what the other likes or dislikes, and ready to make adjustments and changes to keep the relationship healthy. Even couples who have been married for years long to continue being loved and loving someone in return. The Bible describes this longing so poetically in Song of Songs 8:5, ‘Who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved?’

This week, missionary Jemima Ooi (pictured above) shared a compelling personal message about the transformative power of God’s love in her life. For Jemima, to lean into God is to ‘have running conversations with Him, to live in the security of this relationship and to let His love overflow in my heart’ for the community and the world. In fact, her love for God has taken her to far-flung war-torn areas of Africa. John 13:34 galvanizes her mission: “Love one another. As I have loved you.”

And maybe sitting in the comfort of our homes, we say in our defense of ‘settledness’ that she has the advantage of being single and young. To Jemima, it is not that straightforward because most of us try to straddle between proving our love for God and proving our love to people. Whether we focus on one or the other, we are invariably loving out of self-interest, self-directed motives and on our own strength. Instead of being spontaneous, we become robotic in our response to God and to people because our actions are driven by the amount of guilt and obligation we feel. As a result, our relationships look compartmentalized like this:

It's an unbiblical model where our relationship with God and with people are segregated. Very tellingly, our conversations with God become one continuous ask for instructions (who to marry, which job to take, how to retire, where to live) and our conversations with people lack the honesty that makes people draw closer. We try to strike a precarious balance in all our relationships and in the process, feel satisfied with none.

Jemima also warned that we must make a critical distinction between success and fruitfulness: they are not synonymous. In fact, she went further to assert that success is not fruitfulness. While self-effort and grinding sacrifices may help us achieve a level of success that draws praises and accolades from others, it is not the same as the blessing of fruitfulness - the 30, 60 or 100-fold  that Jesus spoke about in Matthew 13:8.

Jemima is convinced that the secret to resolving the dichotomy in our relationship with God and with people lies in recognizing that lovers will always do more than workers. What’s the difference? Lovers will leave the four walls of the church or whatever walls that keep them in constrained existence, while workers won’t leave their walled existence once they feel satisfied that they have done ‘enough’.

Ask yourself: Am I a worker or a lover? A profoundly simple question yet one that reveals the maturity of your love for God. It’s really not what you say but how you live that makes you one or the other. If there’s no fire of God in you, you might have just settled into Christianness and nothing else.

On the other hand, if you are a lover of God, you will always do more than workers because your life and relationships are propelled by the inner working of God’s love rather than a reaction to external pressures and obligations. As such, the love of God will compel you to go the distance. Over and over again, Jemima has seen how this bears out in real life. In places experiencing chronic food shortages and starvation, she has seen emaciated older siblings trekking long distances to take their severely malnourished younger siblings to her food camps for the hope of survival they offer. Sacrificial acts of kindness inevitably takes us back to God.

WHAT DO YOU THINK HEAVEN IS LIKE? When you get to heaven, do you think you want to leave? But Jesus left heaven, escaped genocide (killing of male children under two) and lived as a refugee with His parents in Egypt (Matthew 2:13-16). He came to a life of suffering (not ‘settledness’) so He could make an emotional connection with humanity. That’s how far His love goes!

So our love story really begins with the One who made the greatest distance to reach us. God doesn’t require us to do what He hadn’t already done Himself. In the same way, Jesus washed His disciples feet so they would experience what human vulnerability felt like. They would then become more sensitive and humane in their ministry.

In reality, we can only demonstrate the facets of God that we have experienced in our own lives. Whether it is His generosity, kindness, encouragement, responsiveness or availability, we will be to others what He has been to us.

Therefore, to all workaholics and those who think their lives have value only when they are productive – slow down. Ask God to show you a new facet of Himself, and take the time to fall in love with Him over and over again. Don’t be so preoccupied with managing life’s mini-dramas that your life settles into dealing with incident after incident.

Let’s be lovers of God. And experience His transformation of our lives and outlook in a brand new direction.

This is a summary and reflection based on a virtual BIR Session held on 25 June 2022.